I would like to preface this with the fact that I am writing from my “female” brain and from “my” experiences and those of other women. But to the men that are reading, substitute “he” for “she” regarding the women in your life.
Do you think all men are the same? I felt compelled to write about this because someone once told me, at her daughter’s wedding no less, “All men are assholes, just find the one you can live with”. Why has that always stuck with me? The truth is, not all men are like that one ex-boyfriend or spouse you had, that either abused you mentally or physically or knew how to push all the right buttons. I think there are many men out there that no one has the right to generalize all the apples in the basket because a few of them turned out to be rotten.
For some, you will face many men that will come into your life. Some will spellbind you with their charms and make you feel like a princess. Some will put you on a pedestal, but at the end of the day, no guy can continue to maintain that same intensity of emotion. And at some point, after all of those guys, he will emerge from some silver lining and bring such energy into your life, it will sustain for many years to come. Of course it won’t always be perfect, there will be ups and downs. Even movies have a climax and anticlimax. But, at the end of the day, the forever kind of guy will be worth all the tragic moments and heartbreaks. Think of Noah from the Notebook. You will never underestimate his ability to pull you out of the deepest and darkest corners of your fragile insecurities and fears. Of course he isn’t Batman or Captain America, but he will be “your man”.
You will know when they’re committed to you and the relationship. When things go bad, that is when you realize the type of person you are in a relationship with. Every relationship has problems, but that doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. If a guy stays and works through everything with you (of course not if you’re a complete lunatic) then he is committed to you and wants to make sure things work out. Anyone can bail when the going gets tough, that’s easy! But, it takes a real man to stay. He will show you, even when things seem impossible, no matter what the circumstances are, he has the ability to revive any flickering spark between you. He will not take “no” for an answer and he will fight for you till his last breath because he knows that without you, his life is incomplete. All the struggles and adventures and accomplishments will mean nothing if you are not beside him to celebrate life. And you will know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is “the one” you will want to spend the rest of your life with.
Communication is key to make any relationship a successful one. A sincere man will not bottle up his feelings or keep things hidden from you. He will want to share everything with you. He won’t hesitate to share his childhood stories, some exotic adventure or some clandestine relationship because he knows he can trust you and he doesn’t want to conceal anything. He truly adores you. You are his confidant, his eyes and his everything. And because of this, you will be able to open up to him without fear of judgment or condemnation about anything you have gone through in your life. You will never regret sharing anything with him because he will always be supportive and genuinely listen with attentive ears and a caring heart.
He will make time with you a priority. Time is the currency of a relationship and if he truly loves you, he will make this investment. This doesn’t mean he will not pursue his career or other endeavors, but it does mean that he will prioritize and put you ahead of these things. You will be the most important part of his schedule. He will never see you as an interruption.
He will have a strong desire to protect you. Protect you physically, emotionally, verbally, spiritually and financially. Men have an instinctive, God-given desire to protect the ones they love. Much more than just physical protection, if a man truly loves you, he will want to protect your reputation, your heart and in every way, because in giving his protection, he is actually displaying his love.
If he truly cares about you, he will know all the little things about you. Such as your snort when you laugh, your favorite flavor of ice-cream or that Breakfast at Tiffany’s and the Sound of Music are your two favorite movies. And when he mentions this, you will feel like the luckiest girl in the world, because you know that he pays attention to the things you thought didn’t seem so important. He’ll also be able to tell your mood by your facial expressions and he will be concerned. He will ask if you want to talk about it, or respect if you don’t, until you’re ready. He will never get tired of hearing what you have to say and to him, your life will matter more than his. It will hurt him if you’re hurt and it will make him happy if you’re happy. He will also remember a dress that you liked, or something special you may have commented on, and on your birthday, anniversary or holiday, he gifts that to you. He has the ability to give you the happiness you surely deserve.
If he knows what to do in any situation, or has the keen intelligence to take control of situations, he is wise. I am not saying he needs to be a genius, truthfully, you both need to have some sort of intelligence for whatever life throws your way. But, a necessary street smartness is fundamental to make the relationship work. There are certain situations which we cannot control. And situations that take time. But if he loves you, he will find a solution and you must give him the necessary time. With the proper time and space, it gives him the ability to grow and to become a better, more prepared and responsible person.
He will remind you that you’re beautiful. He will want to make sure that you see yourself the same way he sees you. Some men are more vocal than others, but it doesn’t matter in what way they tell that you are beautiful. What matters is that they make you feel beautiful. Chivalry is a concept which is rare these days. People think that acting like a gentleman will embarrass them. If your man holds the door open for you before getting seated in the car, pulls your chair out in a restaurant, gives you flowers for no reason at all and reminds you how beautiful you are when you are least expecting it, this certainly means that he is falling for you at a rapid pace. And if he continues all these things long after the infatuation period, long after reality has set in, he is a KEEPER!
He will never make you feel bad. If you make a mistake, he will not hold it against you, nor be offended by something he knows you didn’t mean. We are all human and apt to make mistakes. A bump in the road does not mean deviation from what really matters; the relationship. The secret to any healthy relationship is compromise. If he is not willing to accept the little imperfections and mistakes that you are going to make, then it will be hard for the relationship to survive. He will know that being right all the time is not as important as the bond you share. He is selfless and is ready to sacrifice his desires for you at times. And yes, that will mean accompanying you to that romantic tear jerker just so he can spend quality time with you.
If he accomplishes something big, but instead of just being selfish and giving all the credit to himself, he acknowledges you and gives equal appreciation to all the support you have provided him. He also changes the “his” or “I’s” into “ours” or “we”, he is promoting a really positive and encouraging vibe into the relationship. It encourages you both to try your best. And, in the end, a person’s worth can only be measured by how true he is to his words.
We are all imperfect. The guy that wants to spend an eternity with you will be aware of your flaws and he will never highlight them or make you feel badly. Instead, he will slowly make you feel good about them. You know, that little mole on your face or the scar on your arm, he will make you feel as if these are things he is actually proud of. These kind of guys come only once in a lifetime and are not to be mistaken as frauds.
It takes all the strength a person has to admit his or her mistakes. If the guy in your life can tell what he did to hurt you, he will not take it lightly. He will legitimately feel badly and honestly apologize and make sure that it won’t happen again. He will be able to differentiate between harmless and harmful. He may say or do something that may turn your mood off. He will know when to burst out with hysterical laughter or opt for silence. Even if he disagrees with you, he will communicate with respect, thoughtfulness and patience. He will want to be the one who wipes away your tears, not the one who causes them. He will be in love with your fragile insecurities. He will be able to tolerate anything as long as it means that it will not hurt the relationship.
There are many indications which you will observe to know if he really loves you. These things will make you believe in his love. He will show his love through consistency in both his words and his actions. Love is a commitment and is displayed through consistency. You will have a guy that is one-in-a-million, the one that will complete you. If not, keep looking and remain optimistic and open to the fact that he is out there and looking for you. When you find him, it will be a captivating moment. All of your life, you have wished for normal, “your normal” and he will exceed all those expectations and set new boundaries of love, romance and chivalry. It’s what you and I and every girl would want, right? A guy who sets things straight in our lives and gives us the love we deserve.